


Time is an Enemy

by BoredWithIdeas



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Established Relationship, Flashbacks, Hopefully this doesnt hurt yall as much as it hurt me, How Do I Tag, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, This has been sitting for months
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-14
Updated: 2019-12-14
Packaged: 2021-02-26 07:27:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21789778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BoredWithIdeas/pseuds/BoredWithIdeas
Summary: "Are you mad?" Chan's voice sounded soft. Minho had always liked that about Chan: no matter what he said, his voice was really calming. However in this situation, every time Chan spoke, it felt like a stabbing pain on his skin."I could never be mad at you..." Minho mumbled as he continued to stare down. Seeing this hands together was another thing that made Minho feel safe. Whenever Minho felt nervous, Chan would interlock their hands and all the worrying would go away. Now, Minho's hands felt sweaty.
Relationships: Bang Chan/Lee Minho | Lee Know
Comments: 2
Kudos: 25





	Time is an Enemy

**Author's Note:**

> Hi yall, this is the first fanfic that I've written in a long while so please be kind to me.

It had been one week since Chan had said "I think Im falling for another person."  
It had been one week since that talk and Minho can count the number of times they had talked during that week on one hand. Minho lost count of the times he reached for his phone to try and talk to the other male, even though he was the one who asked for some space.  
He didnt exactly know where they stood in terms of their relationship. Actually, scratch that, he knew exactly where they stood: on shakey grounds. What he didnt know was how much longer will they be able to stand on those shakey grounds until it eventually collapsed.  
For the past week, they had tiptoed around each other; Chan by not asking Minho about going back to how they were and Minho by not giving Chan hope that they could ever go back exactly to how they were. But they both knew that they needed each other's embrace. Even if it wouldnt fix anything, they needed that closeness. That knowledge that no matter what happened to them, they would still love each other.

* * *

_After a long day of studying, Minho and Chris were cuddled up on the latter's bed. They were so entagled with one another that you couldnt see where one began and the other ended. Minho had his hand on his boyfriend's chest, enjoying his heart beating underneath it._  
_"But you dont understand, oh my god, you should have seen his face! Changbin tried to throw the paper in the trash from his seat. And the professor walks in and gets it in the face," Chris laughs and Minho feels the rumble from his chest. "Changbin looked so fucking scared!"_  
_Minho laughed along. "Wow, I knew that boy was a mess but even then, I couldnt even begin to imagine his reaction!"_  
_"Yeah! Im gonna use that for years to come." Minho felt Chan had tightened his grip on the younger man after he finished his story. He continued to let out small chuckles._  
_Minho hummed and closed his eyes briefly. "This is nice, us just laying here. It feels very domestic."_  
_Chan rubbed his boyfriend's back, "it would be easier if you just moved in. We could do this every night. Your stuff would be here so you wouldnt have to rush back home to get ready for school."_  
_"I know, but come on, its not like I dont want to. My landlady is giving me such a good deal on rent and plus, my lease isnt up for another 3 months," the younger boyfriend replied as he began tracing patterns on Chan's chest._  
_"We can make 3 more months right?"_  
_Minho quirked an eyebrow even though he knew his boyfriend wouldnt be able to see his reaction. "Of course, we can. Unless I manage to annoy you so much by then."_  
_That got a laugh from Chan. "You could never," he said in a quiet voice._  
_All of a sudden, Chan moved to untangle them and sat upright facing Minho._  
_The younger groaned as he got up to face the older. "God, dont tell me that Ive annoyed you so much already," he said with a smile._  
_But Minho notices that Chan looked nervous. He was barely able to give Minho a small smile. The older reached forward to hold his boyfriend's hands. He held them and stared at them as he took a couple of deep breaths._  
_"Ive been wanting to tell you something."_  
_Minho's stomach dropped. What could be so dramatic that his boyfriend felt the need to bring it up right after a talk about their future?_  
_"Oh, yeah?" Was all that was able to come out of the younger's mouth._  
_"Yeah," Chan breathed out. He kept his gaze down, staring at their connected hands. "I, um- I, god, why am I so nervous? I dont think its anything too serious. But its something I needed to tell you. Because you know, Ive been wanting to be more upfront with you and I want to let you in more because I know that when we first started dating, I was very guarded and I wouldnt really let you in. And I need you to know that I trust you a lot and I love you so very much-"_  
_Minho squeezed his boyfriend's hands. "I love and trust you too," he offered a smile._  
_Chan managed to bring himself to look up at Minho. He gave him a sad smile. "I need you to promise me something."_  
_"Anything."_  
_"I need you to promise me that you wont hate me and you'll remember that I love you so, so, so much," the Australian's voice cracked at the end._  
_"I could never hate you. And I know that you love me," Minho replied as he assuringly brought Chan's palm up to his lips and pressed a kiss to it. He did the same to the other and brought them back down to rest in their laps._  
_The older let his gaze follow his hands and where they connected with Minho._  
_And then he said those words._  
_Minho felt like he was floating in the ocean, on his back and having half of his head submerged under the water. He couldnt exactly make out the other words his boyfriend was telling him. Whatever thoughts he was having before this conversation were emptied from his head. It almost felt like everything was emptied, no thoughts ran through his head until his mind picked up some of what Chan was saying._  
_"- and you have to know that they dont mean anything to me. I dont even know how or why this started happening but you mean so much more than them. They couldnt even compare to you-"_  
_"Do they go to work with you?" Minho interrupted ._  
_That caught Chan by surprise. "I, uh, no. We have some classes together," is all he says._  
_"Oh. So you spend a good amount of time with them?" The younger said as he looked down at their hands._  
_Chan figured that maybe he shouldnt have said that because he quickly responded. "Yes but I dont really know if I like them or Im just really fond of them, I just-"_  
_Minho continued to stare where their hands laid intertwined, "You just what?"_  
_"Are you mad?" Chan's voice sounded soft. Minho had always liked that about Chan: no matter what he said, his voice was really calming. However in this situation, every time Chan spoke, it felt like a stabbing pain on his skin._  
_"I could never be mad at you..." Minho mumbled as he continued to stare down. Seeing this hands together was another thing that made Minho feel safe. Whenever Minho felt nervous, Chan would interlock their hands and all the worrying would go away. Now, Minho's hands felt sweaty._  
_Chan let out a sigh of relief. "Thank God, I was sure you'd be mad. I was ready t-"_  
_"But i dont know how to feel about this." Minho raised his head for the first time to see Chan's confused expression._  
_"What... what do you mean? I thought you said you werent mad?"_  
_The younger let go of one of Chan's hands to run it throught his hair. "Im not, Im just," he looked down again. "Confused, i dont know? Is there a reason I should be mad if you were expecting it?"_  
_Chan began to get slightly annoyed and let go of Minho's other hand. "How could you not know? Are you mad or arent you?"_  
_Minho's face remained neutral, his mind racing with feelings of confusion, sadness and emptiness. "I just said, i could never be mad at you. I just dont know how Im suppose to handle this? Because if it was anyone else to say this to me, I would break up with them. But I know you dont mean it like that-"_  
_"You would break up with someone over that?"_  
_For the first time since that conversation started, Minho really looked at his boyfriend. Chan's eyes were another thing he loved because you could tell every emotion he felt through his eyes. Minho used to feel such love coming from those eyes. All he sees is frustration coming from those eyes. "For emotionally cheating on me? Ye-"_  
_Chan stood up from the bed. "Wait, wait, Cheating?! Its not like I fucked the guy!"_  
_Minho felt his eyes watering; he was always an easy crier. "I never said you did. But you did say that you liked this guy, meaning emotions are involved. Does that not mean anything?"_  
_"But I love you! Does it really matter if I said that I had a crush on this guy?"_  
_It was Minho's turn to stand from the bed. He stood in front of Chan, his hands in his pockets. "I love you too. But i really think that I need to think about this?"_  
_"Whats there to think about?" Chan asked as he looked at Minho._  
_"I dont know... I do know that I love you but I need some time to think about how I feel about this situation," said Minho, reaching for one of Chan's hands._  
_They held hands for a bit until Chan spoke up. "I understand, it wasnt fair for me to just dump this on you. Take your time."_  
_Minho let go of Chan's hand. He looked at his boyfriend, looking deep into his eyes. "I love you."_  
_Chan gave him a smale smile. "I love you too."_  
_Minho left Chan's apartment and made his way home. It wasnt until he was halfway home that he realized that he didnt hug his boyfriend goodbye_.

* * *

The week had been hell. Minho felt every emotion with such intensity but he mainly felt sad. When he got back from Chan's apartment that day, his first instinct was to cry. Once he stepped in, he fell to the floor crying.  
Minho hadnt seen Chan much that week either. Even though they went to the same school, they didnt cross paths. They had similar friend groups but had different schedules. There had been times during the week when Minho would walk to Chan's classrooms to try and get a glimpse of him. And although Minho didnt know it, Chan would do the same.  
Their conversations would mainly be over text. Just simple conversations: asking about their days, wishing the other good luck on a test and message saying they saw a puppy. They would avoid the topic looming over their heads like the plague, changing the topic immediately whenever it would get to that point. They werent ready to face what had begun.  
Sometime during the week, Minho felt it. And he was sure that Chan had felt it before he did. They refused to believe it though. They can make it.  
After classes one day, Minho went to Chan's place when he knew the Australian was going to be there. He took a deep breath before knocking on the door, tea and coffee in hand.  
Chan opened the door and just stared at Minho. The younger let himself in, already familiar with a routine they set up. During these days that Minho would visit Chan after class, he would have a tea for Chan and a coffee for himself. Chan would have pastries waiting for the both of them and they would talk all day. Those days were Minho's favorite.  
The younger set the drinks on the table but noticed that there werent any pastries. And thats when Minho had accepted it... that maybe they wouldnt make it.  
He sat down at the table and held his head in his hands. "Channie..." he let out softly.  
Chan went to the table and sat across from him when he would usualy sit right next to Minho.  
He took a deep breath and sighed. "You feel it right?" Minho couldnt bare to look up right now, he didn't want to look at Chan's face. That face he fell in love with that time ago, that face he has to say goodbye to.  
"We dont have to do this," choked out Chan. From Minho's head position looking at his coffe, he could see Chan wringing his hands together. A nervous habit the boy had, that he hadnt seen in a while.  
Minho tried his best to hold back his tears, "You know it wont be the same. I..." And that's when it really hit him. The reason why there was a disconnect between them now. "I dont trust you anymore..." he whispered, mostly to himself, but Chan definitely heard it. The older boy started crying at that.  
Chan reached forward to grab Minho's hand. The younger finally looked up and saw how devasted the Australian was. "What can I do? I didn't mean for any of this to happen... I didnt mean to hurt you like this. I don't want you to be mad at me," the boy went on.  
Minho squeezed his boyfriend's hands, or should he start calling him ex-boyfriend? "I dont know if there is anything you can do that would get us back to where we were. I didnt want it to g-get like this," he felt tears falling down his face.  
"Min, please, we can't break up over something like this. I already told you that I was sorry, please let me fix this."  
Minho stood and went over to Chan's side of the table. He held those hands that had felt so comfortable before and looked into those eyes that had held his world. "We both know that there is damage on both of our sides. Im sorry for letting it get like this too. I just didn't know what to do, what to think," he let go of those hands that began to feel unfamiliar and he looked down, away from those eyes that just stared. "But I was hurt, you made me feel like a second choice. And if you were able to develop a crush, who's to say that it wouldnt develop further..."  
"It wouldnt have! I love you too much!" Chan quickly replied.  
"I love you too..." Minho sighed.  
"Theres a 'but' isnt there?"  
"But i think we're having this conversation a bit too late."  
Chan let out a breath. "I... We've been through a lot worse than this. And we've been able to work through that. We just need time. Please, Minho, give us time."  
Minho let more tears fall. "I gave us time and I dont think more will help. I think... my trust in you is the main problem. I'll always have some doubt and I dont want you to feel like that. I care about you too much.  
Chan rubbed his face and looked up towards the ceiling. "I don't want this to happen. You were such a big part of my life."  
"And you were for me too but I dont think we can come back from this," Minho looked at the boy he loved so much, at the boy he had to let go.  
The older boy let out a sad laugh. "... I know. I just wish I could have had more time with you," he reached out for Minho's hand one last time. "Can I have one more kiss? Just give me this and I'll accept this as much as my heart will let me."  
Minho sniffled. He wiped his face with his sleeve and reached forward to cup Chan's face one last time. "Of course, my love," he croaked as it settled that it would be the last time he said those words to him.  
The younger reached forward to cup the older's face. Chan let out a whimper as Minho pressed their lips together. Minho put a lot into this kiss, all these thoughts he had in his head. 'I could never be mad at you, Im sorry, I wish the best for you, please don't forget me quickly, lord knows i wont forget you.'  
Minho felt the tears fall down both their faces as he pulled away. His eyes remained close because he knew his heart wouldnt be able to take seeing Chan right then.  
"So I guess this is goodbye," Chan said after a few moments of silence.  
Minho looked at that boy he loved way too much, "I guess so." He made his way to stand but he didnt feel any strength in his legs. "I'm sorry" he said one last time.  
Chan bit his lip, "I am too."  
To avoid crying more in front of him, Minho stood with any strength he could muster and walked away from that boy. That boy that meant more to him than he could ever imagaine but he knew he had to let go. He reached the door but he before he turned the knob to leave, he turned back to look at Chan one last time and smiled.  
Chan sadly smiled back.  
This was for the better, Minho kept repeating to himself as he walked out of that door. He closed it behind him and walked a few steps before he collapsed on the floor, tears streaming down his face. After a few minutes, he collected himself as best he could, he took a deep breath and walked out of his ex-boyfriend's building. Minho looked up to the sky and let the sun hit his face. Things for him felt very uncertain at the moment but there was one thing he was very sure of, he'll always love Chan.

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know what you think ^^


End file.
